YouTube Comments for Dummies

Leaving a comment on a YouTube video can be a daunting, I daresay- intimidating undertaking.  You’re putting forth your opinion for possibly thousands, or even millions of people to digest.  With that much at stake, it’s important to craft your comment so that it not only expresses your pure opinion, it also reflects your personality.  So here are some quick tips to ensure that your commentary is on the right track.

-Remember the YouTube maxim: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, make sure to say it here.”  If you do enjoy what you just watched, be sure to quietly leave without expressing any opinion whatsoever.  Do not even click the ‘thumbs up’ button to anonymously give thanks.  Simply slip away back into the Internet to browse for something that you will hate.  No one cares about your positive thoughts or constructive feedback, so keep it to yourself!

-Quantity over quality.  You’ll want to take a shotgun approach to commenting.  Selecting a few videos and remarking on them isn’t going to get you the reputation you’re hoping to cultivate here.  Watching the entirety of a clip simply won’t be an option, so try to start leaving your comment the moment a clip has started, and then jump to a new clip as soon as you’re finished.

-Keep it formal.  When addressing a contributor, or another commenter, be sure to use the formal honorific faggot.  If you have a more casual relationship with the addressee, you may use the abbreviated fag, or even possibly homo.  If you do decide to get creative with it, just make sure to ensure that it is both homophobic AND stupid.  For instance, cocksucker is acceptable, while idiot is not.

-Personalize it!  This is your chance to submit yourself to the masses, make it count!  Anybody can spell words ‘normally’ and use punctuation marks correctly, so set yourself apart from the herd with some of lingo of your own cookin’ See what I did there?  No period!  I just went ahead and started the next sentence!

Here are some great examples of commenters really forging their own style:

fuk you homo

this shit sukkks real okLOL

h8 dis fukkin ;)))))

These are just a few tips; to fully instruct you in the art of YouTube commentary would take years of exhaustive tutelage.  The best teacher is life.  Get out (in your chair) there and start witnessing the world (UFC highlights)!

Posted: August 15th, 2011
Categories: Andrew's Rants
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