-1 cup frozen strawberries
-1 cup frozen blueberries
-2 teaspoons flax seeds
-1 cup plain yogurt
-1 tablespoon wheat germ
-30 milligrams cocaine
Do cocaine. Fuck this smoothie, let’s go! Come on, I want to get the Beemer waxed before we hit the lake!
-Whatever leftovers you have in the fridge
-A new, hot takeout meal from a restaurant
Agree with your partner that you need to save money and start eating leftovers. Tell him or her that you’re going to make dinner, then unveil the delicious takeout meal! Surprise, you’re getting divorced!
Toddler’s Treat Dinner
-One prepared dinner of macaroni and cheese
-One grilled cheese sandwich
-One piece of peanut butter toast
Feed each ingredient as demanded, in a repeating cycle, until toddler seems to have eaten ¼ cup of food.