Like almost everyone else who keeps a blog on their personal site, I find it hard to update mine not only weekly, but monthly. The idea of a daily blog is laughable to me. Part of the problem is that since this is my comedy site, I feel the blog should in some way, be comedyish. If I could blog about anything it wouldn’t be too hard, I would just scan the news headlines and then complain for a few paragraphs. So I have compiled a list of 10 reasons why I don’t blog. Please be seated, and I will begin.
1. My back hurts from sitting at the computer too long. (But only when I’m not watching movie trailers for 2 hours straight)
2. I have other, more important things to do.
3. Like check Twitter 3,217 times an hour.
4. And play videogames.
5. And make another snack. Maybe it’s time I just put a mini fridge in this office. These trips downstairs are seriously cutting into gold blogging time.
6. I think the dog needs let out. Well, she’s acting like she needs to go out. Okay even if she doesn’t need to be let out, will it hurt her to go out? No, it will not. Please add a point to my column on the large score sheet we keep rolled in the linen closet.
7. We call it a linen closet but it’s full of toilet paper, expired medicines, and cold weather bicycling gear. There might be one fitted sheet wadded in there somewhere.
8. No one reads blogs anyway. Or at least they don’t usually comment on them, which lets you know that they were read. If I don’t have proof, I must assume the worst! In fact, without comments I usually imagine that there is an error on my site and the blog is simply not viewable to the general public! Then I have to call up my webmaster and verbally lash him for a good 20-37 minutes. “Tad,” I hiss, “What am I paying you $700 a day for? Well, if the site is working PERFECTLY I should be deluged with comments, likes, pokes, links, and tickles, shouldn’t I? Indeed. And don’t expect another dime before it happens, dear Tad. Also, add a point to my column on the giant score sheet we keep buried in the corner of the yard.”
10. I don’t have any ideas. See: This blog entry.